"Your post has been successfully received. Once your post gets approved, it will be posted on the site."
"How dare you dress me"
(Watching the news on the night of the presidential election)
Son: I forget...IS OBAMA THE BLUE OR RED ONE?
Dad: Neither, he's THE BLACK ONE
Daughter: Why were you the FIRST BORN?
Son: Because GOD WANTED A BOY FIRST in our family then a girl, girl and girl
Daughter: Well that's NOT RIGHT.. it' always supposed to be LADIES FIRST
My son was SITTING ON MY LAP when I asked him about his birthday. I said "Your BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW are you excited?" He replied "He, he, he, I JUST FARTED ON YOU" (I guess that says it all)
One STRATEGY for making someone FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU is to TELL THEM YOU OWN A BUNCH OF CANDY STORES...it works for me
Daughter: I LOVE TO DRINK MILK even if it is COW PEE PEE
Mom: It's not Pee...It's milk just like when I BREAST FED YOU AS A BABY
Daughter: GROSS can we just GO WITH THE COW PEE PEE INSTEAD
Daughter: Mommy I'm BORED
Mom: Why don't you WRITE OR DRAW IN YOUR DIARY?
Daughter: Yeah, I LOVE MY DIARRHEA
Mom: I'm taking the VAN in to FIX THE TIRES
Daughter: Oh you're going to the TIRE-O-PRACTOR?
Another example of why kids should always wear helmets - Plunger Attacks