When my daughter NOTICED 2 DOGS PLAY FIGHTING across the street, she said "Wow mom that BIG ONE ON TOP must be a JACK WRESTLE TERRIER (Jack Russell Terrier)

Grandpa: What is the CAPITAL OF FLORIDA?

Grandson: CAPITAL F

I was trying to HELP MY DAUGHTER LEARN as much as she could before Kindergarten.  I SHOWED HER PICTURES OF AIRPLANES AND HELICOPTERS.  One day a HELICOPTER WAS FLYING OVERHEAD.  I ran to the door and pointed to the sky asking  "WHAT IS THAT CALLED?"  My daughter replied "I THINK ITS A HELL-OF-A-PLANE"

My son had become a VERY GOOD GOLFER and I WAS TRYING TO BEAT HIM, so I STARTED COUNTING EVERY STROKE AND PENALTY.  My son HIT A BALL INTO THE WOODS so I went looking for it.  When I COULDN'T FIND IT I said "You know THAT'S A ONE-STROKE PENALTY".    He replied " Well YOU SHOULD GET A PENALTY TOO FOR FAILING TO FIND THE BALL

You can TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE MARRIED because they will be YELLING AT THE SAME KIDS

PreK: Oh, SUGAR

Teacher: Now WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?

PreK: Because you can't say SH*T IN SUNDAY SCHOOL

Mom: You can't OPEN THE MEDECINE BOTTLE...it's CHILD PROOF 

Daughter: HOW DOES THE BOTTLE KNOW IT'S ME?

Son: I'm drawing a PICTURE of you 

Mom: But I have 2 EYES NOT 1 EYE AND WHER'ES MY MOUTH?

Son: Oh THAT'S NOT YOUR HEAD...It's your BOOB

Mom: Your friend shoved a CRAYON IN HIS EAR and had it removed by a doctor...I hope you learn a LESSON from that

Daughter:  WHAT COLOR was the crayon?