Nun: What do you think I should GIVE UP FOR LENT? 

Student: Why don't you GIVE UP THAT COSTUME SISTER

Son: If Grandma is WATCHING ME today, is CHUCKIE THE SCARY DOLL going to be there?

Mom: NO

Son: Your LYING

Mom: Mommy DOESN'T FIB

Son: YES YOU DO...AND YOU CHEAT AT CANDYLAND TOO

Son: EAT THE GOLDFISH, yes or no? 

Dad: No we DON'T EAT OUR PETS

Dad: What do you want to be WHEN YOU GROW UP? 

Son: A SUPERHERO who can SHOOT LASER BEAMS from my EYES....What do you WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP DAD?

It's not always about HOW YOU LOOK...Look at me I'M HANDSOME AS ANYTHING and I HAVEN'T GOT ANYBODY TO MARRY ME YET

THE RULES FOR KISSING go like this...if you KISS A GIRL you should MARRY HER AND HAVE KIDS.  It's just the RIGHT THING TO DO

When I asked my son for help on my ARTISTIC EPXRESSION INFORMATIVE WRITING THESIS he gave me a QUOTE BY EINSTEIN about imagination being more important than knowledge.  When I ASKED IF HE KNEW THE SOURCE, he told me "The book called CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS" (and he was right)

Dad: Lifetime warranty, my a**

Son: What's a LIFETIME WARRANTY? 

Dad: It means I GOT SCREWED

Son: Well then I GET LIFETIME WARRANTIES ALL THE TIME