Daughter: I NEED TO CALL A LAWYER

Mom: Why

Daughter: I'm going to SUE THE GROCERY because their PARKING LOT IS TOO BIG and IT'S NOT FAIR FOR THEM TO HAVE ALL THAT SPACE

Mom: Why did you PUT POSTAGE STAMPS on your ALPHABET MAGNETS?

Son: You said MY ALPHABET MAGNETS ARE LETTERS

Is that CRUCIFIX GOD'S TELEPHONE?

Mom: Blow your nose, YOU HAVE BOOGERS

Son: No, I don't...I ALREADY PICKED THEM OUT

Dad: Son can you go GET ME A RULER? 

Son: Here's MOM, SHE KNOWS HOW TO RULE

Daughter: Mommy WHY DO BOYS HAVE TAILS?

Mom: They DON'T

Daughter: Have you ever SEEN DADDY NAKED?

When trying on shoes, my son asked "Daddy, what SIZE FOOT do you WEAR?"

Son: Where do BABIES COME FROM?

Mom: Babies came from the BOTTOM OF A WOMAN'S BODY 

Son: You mean I CAME FROM YOUR TOE?

Son: Can BOYS HAVE BABIES?

Mom: No, ONLY GIRLS

Son: GIRLS GET FAT when they are going to HAVE A BABY right?

Mom: Yes, they get bigger 

Son: So WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE YOUR BABY?

Daughter:  Mommy when do you take DRIVING LESSONS?

Mom:  When you TURN 16

Daughter:  No I mean when are YOU going to take driving lessons?

I told my son to DRAW WHAT YOU SEE ON TV keeping him busy so I could clean the kitchen. He gave me a weird look, and I fully expected to come back into the room and find him peeling the paper away fromfrom the ORANGE CRAYON he was holding.

Instead, I was totally shocked he had FOLLOWED MY INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER. The ENTIRE SURFACE OF THE TV SCREEN WAS ORANGE. He had DRAWN WHAT HE SAW ON TV...ON THE TV.