Watching TV my son heard the announcer talking about a CELEBRITY ENTOURAGE, and he asked what that was.  I told him it was a group of people that WENT EVERYWHERE WITH YOU, OPENED DOORS, GOT THINGS YOU NEEDED and sometimes HELD ONTO YOUR MONEY FOR YOU until you wanted it.  He replied "Oh you mean LIKE A HUSBAND?"

Daughter: Mommy I'm BORED

Mom: Why don't you WRITE OR DRAW IN YOUR DIARY?

Daughter: Yeah, I LOVE MY DIARRHEA

Daughter: I NEED TO CALL A LAWYER

Mom: Why

Daughter: I'm going to SUE THE GROCERY because their PARKING LOT IS TOO BIG and IT'S NOT FAIR FOR THEM TO HAVE ALL THAT SPACE

I told my son to DRAW WHAT YOU SEE ON TV keeping him busy so I could clean the kitchen. He gave me a weird look, and I fully expected to come back into the room and find him peeling the paper away fromfrom the ORANGE CRAYON he was holding.

Instead, I was totally shocked he had FOLLOWED MY INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER. The ENTIRE SURFACE OF THE TV SCREEN WAS ORANGE. He had DRAWN WHAT HE SAW ON TV...ON THE TV.

At the Bakery getting my son's BIRTHDAY CAKE the girl at the counter asked him HOW OLD HE WAS.  My son replied "I'm 18 & an ADULT.  My younger son added, "Yeah and Mommy says HE'S A S-O-B.  I explained that my older son is CONSTANTLY TRYING TO GET PERMISSION to do things by reasoning that HE'S AN ADULT  So my response to him is that IF HE'S AN ADULT, HE NEEDS TO GET A J-O-B  (Not a S-O-B)

Outside on a COLD DECEMBER MORNING my son BREATHED OUT IN THE COLD AIR  and said
"Look mom the "BREATH OF WINTER IS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH"