Dad: What does a KITTY DO?

Daughter: Meow

Dad: What does a DOG DO?

Daughter: Bark

Dad: What does a MOMMY DO?

Daughter: DADDY

(Watching the news on the night of the presidential election)

Son:  I forget...IS OBAMA THE BLUE OR RED ONE? 

Dad:  Neither, he's THE BLACK ONE

My OLDEST SON was on the couch with our CRYING BABY WHO WAS HUNGRY.  I was busy with our middle son when I heard the oldest say "I DID IT."   I look over in shock at seeing the BABY'S FACE MASHED AGAINST MY SON'S CHEST as he informs me "I'M FEEDING THE BABY".  After rescuing the poor baby WE HAD A LITTLE TALK ABOUT WHO COULD AND COULDN'T BREAST FEED THE BABY.

I was trying to HELP MY DAUGHTER LEARN as much as she could before Kindergarten.  I SHOWED HER PICTURES OF AIRPLANES AND HELICOPTERS.  One day a HELICOPTER WAS FLYING OVERHEAD.  I ran to the door and pointed to the sky asking  "WHAT IS THAT CALLED?"  My daughter replied "I THINK ITS A HELL-OF-A-PLANE"

Mom: Why did you PUT POSTAGE STAMPS on your ALPHABET MAGNETS?

Son: You said MY ALPHABET MAGNETS ARE LETTERS

My friend COMPLIMENTED my daughter on her LARGE VOCABULARY.  She casually replied "AND I HAVE WORDS IN MY HEAD I HAVEN'T EVEN USED YET"

Daughter: Where did I COME FROM?

Dad: Let me tell you about THE FACTS OF LIFE...(I proceed to give a simplified but true version)

Daughter: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU

Dad: Fine, then you were a BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL I purchased as a GOOD DEAL AT K-MART

Daughter: That makes MORE SENSE

Daughter: What are you DOING?

Dad: I'm INFLATING THE TIRE

Daughter: How did it GET OUTFLATED?

My daughter was telling me a LONG STORY about something I KNEW ABOUT in school.  Toward the end she said "And DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?"

In the mood to tease her, I told her EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

She stared at me and gasped "Mommy YOU MUST BE PSYCHO" (Psychic)